My wife and I finally completed all the necessary classes at the hospital where my son is going to be born. I used the title for this post ‘Certified Parent’ sort of as joke, but at the end of the parenting class we were actually presented with a certification. Now, I understand that labor, delivery, parenting, and changing the first diaper are all serious topics. But, there has to be a better way to educate first time parents on what to expect when the big day happens and you go from being a married couple to an actual family.

First up were the labor and delivery classes, which took up four hours of my life between two Saturdays. The whole concept of my wife having to deal with all the pain and frustration that comes from going through labor is scary enough. Being told of all the horrible things that can happen and the complications of having a c-section is not comforting. A more useful approach would have been to make the class interactive, going through the motions of a ‘normal’ delivery and kindly explaining how they deal with problems. Roleplaying like this allows the soon to be mother and father to become mentally prepared for what will, or can, happen in the next couple of months.

The nursing class was both an assault on my senses and intelligence. There is a lot of good information out there that  pregnant couples need to know about the joys and benefits of breastfeeding. The instruction on how to successful nurse our child was presented to us as if we were children. Some in attendance needed that type of instruction, much to my amazement, but on the whole it proved very disappointing. And, as a ‘red blooded male’, I never thought I would tire of seeing a particular aspect of the female form, but alas I did.

The final class dealt with what to do when we finally get the baby home. My wife, bless her, who works at a day care with at least 10 infants a day simply smiled and laughed at my attempts to swaddle and change the diaper of the fake baby. Everything else that was presented either seemed very common sense, or I can rely on my wife to give me proper instruction based on her own experiences.

I know many people find these classes helpful, and for them it is perfect. For myself, because I started reading the books and checking out the wonderful website http://www.babycenter.com, (All upcoming or newly parents should totally check out this site out, it’s awesome!) I feel prepared to not fail as a parent. There are still plenty of lessons that I will have to learn, and I want to thank the hospital for helping convey some of those lessons. Some lessons can only be learned hands on, and no amount of reading or instruction can help with that. Since my son will be here in about 3 weeks my realtime instruction will start soon enough and both my wife and I just can’t wait.

photo credit: treehouse1977

Assuming that the doctors little computer was accurate, we should be seeing our little boy come into the world in 2 months time. Things are definitely starting to sink in and get ‘real’. I think my wife has officially entered the nesting period, she has begun planning out how the nursery is going to be laid out and doing lots of measuring. Which means I get to hold the tapemeasure and nod to whatever suggestions she makes.

While she is busy preparing the house for the baby, I am starting to get nervous about how I am going to educate my son in the ways of the world. Many aspects of my life are heavy influenced by my father, and I want to have that same type of meaningful impact on my son. But how do I do that? How do I best equip him with the tools he will need to tackle problems that I don’t have the answer to, nor may not even have existed for me?

Generally, when I express these concerns to my friends and family they tell me not to worry about it, and that it won’t be an issue for the first couple of years. Going into this whole ‘fatherhood’ thing without some type of idea seems scary and unsettlingly though. So I find myself trying to walk the thin line of being a text book dad and being someone who wants to learn as they go and hope to not screw it up. In the end, I know I will give it my all and hope that he grows up to be a respectable, responsible man.

P.S. Yes, I know it is weird to be worrying about something that will be 18 years in the making, but I attribute it to the fact that I am a first time dad and I can have irrational fears.

A month ago I sent out a tweet asking for topics to write about here, and my good friend Nathan Verrill (twitter) suggested the following.

So here we go:

My son is going to born in roughly 3 months and there is so much going through my head on how my life is about to change. The fact that we are going to have a son was a relief for me, I just don’t feel like I am ready to have a daughter yet. People tell me that raising a boy or a girl is fundamentally the same, but I call bullshit. Raising a girl requires more emotional maturity than raising a boy in my opinion, which I simply don’t have at this stage in my life.

Questions like what type of father I want to be, what lessons do I want to make sure I teach my child, and how will I find the right balance between providing for my family and spending time with my family keep coming up in my mind. These are not easy to answer, and a real ‘answer’ doesn’t exist. The best thing would be to use these questions as checkpoints throughout this adventure that is parenting. If ever I am not happy with the answers that I give, I will know it is time to try something new.

For the first year of my child’s life I just want to soak everything in and help my wife out as much as I can. The two goals I have set are to attempt to teach my son how to entertain himself and some semblance of independence. I know it sounds harsh to want an infant to be independent, but I don’t really expect him to be walking around warming up his own bottle. However, having a sense of self-relience even at a young age will go a long way as my son grows up. I know this next year and three months is going to be quite a trip, and it will be interesting to see what my Year Two post will have to say.

At Christmas my in-laws gave me the following book to help my wife and I search for the name for our unborn child.

The first challenge was where the hell to do I start? The best course of action was straight brute force in the end. My wife and I each picked a colored highlighter and in our free time we are going through the book front to back highlighting anything that sticks out. I took the approach that Malcolm Gladwell discusses in his book ‘Blink‘ of going with my gut reaction. As I skimmed over the thousands of names, I trusted my ‘gut’ reaction. During my search two things happened which I wasn’t expecting.

The names I picked for a boy in general had ancient roots, and deep meaning. I have a hard time convincing my wife and family with some of the possibilities due to certain ethnic groups having a ‘claim’ to it. On the other hand, many of the names I chose for a girl were historic, but generally common.

Many of the names I chose, both for a boy or a girl, could make the child an easy target once they start to socialize with other children. My philosophy is that no matter what, kids will find a way to turn a name into a put down. I don’t want the possibility of simple name calling to restrict the options we have when it comes to naming our child.

As it stands now, I have made it all the way through the book and picked out all the names that just ‘felt’ right. My wife is almost through the boys section, and should have the girls done sometime next week. Once we have picked out our choices, I plan on pulling out all of the highlighted names and saving it in a digital manner. Coming to a final choice will be the true challenge though. I have been thinking that the best way would be to whittle the listing down to a meaningful set, and just wait until that beautiful day our child’s comes into the world. It is my hope that on that day, upon looking at my child’s face a name will naturally be chosen.